Why you need a Critical Friend

When I worked corporately, we would always talk to potential clients about being their critical friend as well as their strategic partner. We wanted them to know that while we might highlight any issues within their organisation, we were there to help find a solution. It wasn’t about fault, it was about improvement.

A critical friend is defined as:

“someone who is encouraging  and supportive, but who also provides honest and often candid feedback that may be uncomfortable or difficult to hear. In short, a critical friend is someone who agrees to speak truthfully, but constructively, about weaknesses, problems, and emotionally charged issues”

Do you have anyone like that?

A lot of business owners talk about having a “Business buddy”, they can work in the same way as a critical friend, they are someone to bounce ideas off and share your business woes, it a bit of peer coaching – problem is if this person just comforts you and says that all your ideas are wonderful, ESPECIALLY if they aren’t your ideal client!

You need feedback or input that is based on facts rather than just feelings. A true critical friend should have the knowledge to help you with your business, perhaps you both work with similar client groups, e.g. A Wedding Photographer and a Florist or they work with other clients that provide the type of products or services that you do.

Having critical friendships within peer groups of your organisation is also key, we call them peer coaching groups, for example you could have all your managers as a group (no more than 8) and they can share their learning and challenges with one another, it helps individual fell supported, even if they are normally in another building with their team.

Often the nature of HR work means we end up being critical friends with our clients, because we know the secrets and the strategy. It’s a great compliment to be asked your opinion, but also a great responsibility.

Do you have a critical friend? If not I’d suggest finding one, they could make all the difference to your business and personal growth (and mental health).

Do you have the time to Coach?

Studies show that whenever you take your children away on holiday or spend significant time focus on them, they will have a developmental leap; either physically or mentally.

Every time my husband and I take our girls away, we see a leap. In February we took them to Butlin’s (UK family orientated holiday park).

We went on walks, to the pantomime, saw live shows, met the Telly Tubbies, ate ice cream and generally had fun. At the end of the five days; my three year old had progressed with her physical ability, running, jumping and climbing, while my five years old's verbal dexterity and understanding evolved. It was really great to see, but as a mum I also thought “soon they won’t need me anymore!”

Now I know my girls need to progress and develop, and if they were not I’d be a different kind of concerned, but there is a part of me who loves being needed – MOST of the time!

Teaching new skills and giving the opportunity to test them out, takes time and patience. Which is why I think my girls develop when we aren’t in a rush and have time to answer lots of “Why” questions and eat waaaaay past dinner time because the girls want to peel the potatoes! They learn by doing, asking questions (there are no silly questions) and making mistakes.

Coaching your team is a lot like that. You need to ask questions, rather than give answers. Be accepting of the fact that someone else isn’t going to carry out a task as quickly or in the same manner that you would.

For a long time I would do all my employee statistics myself, I would spend at least three days a month deep in the spreadsheets manipulating the data and ensuring I understood why the differences occurred and what things we needed to address. Then, I my additional responsibilities meant that something had to give. I handed my precious statistics work over and when I received the report and asked penetrating questions, I wasn’t able to get the answers I needed. The temptation was to take it back and do it myself, but instead I took the time to explain what my senior team needed to know and we reviewed the calculations and made some changes together. The next month I had better figures and a faith that my spreadsheets were in great hands!

Coaching is definitely more time consuming than telling, but it can be really freeing for you.

Some good coaching questions to ask are:

What would you do?

Why?

So what?

How does that make you feel?

What’s the worst thing that could happen?

If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do?

The next time a team member asks you for an answer (unless its time bound or something only you would know) try asking a coaching question and see what happens. It will take time, because it is a change to our natural inclination to help others.

Give it a try and let us know how it goes in the comments section below.

When your Path is Rocky

We offer Career Coaching to both businesses and individuals – normally with our corporate clients we are working with their graduates or interns as they embark on their career, or experienced staff going through the uncertainty of a restructure. However, the individuals that we work with can be at any stage in their career, just starting, returning to the workforce after a career break, looking to change career or winding down to retirement.

I find these sessions really interesting and fulfilling as often the individual has a burning passion for something that they do (or used to do) in their spare time and never imagine that they could forge a career or start up a business in that area.

For example, I met with a lady who had an established career, she was on the management track, having gone through a management training programme with a large retailer. She then moved into local government management and had worked her way up to senior management. However, she had reached a ceiling, there was nowhere further of interest for her to go in local government and central government didn’t appeal.

When I reviewed her pre meeting questionnaire, I was amazed to see that she’d never pursued what she studied at university, even though I could see that she was volunteering in that sector. When I asked her about it, she said she would love to get paid for delivering that service, but when she graduated it was so hard to get into it, that she applied for the trainee management program at the retailer where she had a part time job during her studies and the rest was history. I could see her eyes light up at the idea of having a fulfilling career in an area that she was passionate in.

We looked at her ideal role and dream employers, we also looked a freelance options and created tailored CV’s, covering letters and prospecting messages. My lovely client was able to secure her ideal role, make a good living and get the work life balance she wanted by pursuing her passion. A year on, she is loving her role and mentoring others.

My coach always says “All of the things you have experienced, positive and negative, come together to make your life’s work”.

Here are a few tips to help you find your dream role or business:

• What do you LOVE to do?
• What do you DISLIKE doing?
• What do people often ask for your HELP with?
• What QUALIFICATIONS do you have?
• What SKILLS do you have?
• What does that little VOICE keep directing you towards?

Your ideal role is a combination of all of these elements. Take some time to sit and reflect, and you will find it!

Watch the Video on this subject here.

For help with your career planning you can find more details on our programme here.

You're not a Coach!

A big part of developing your leadership skills, is learning how to coach, mentor and influence individuals. So I guess your question is what’s the difference and why is it important?

Well …

Coaching is … generally task or objective related, helping an individual to do something specific and once that has been completed the relationship normally ends.

Mentoring is … generally long term and future driven. They work best when the mentor isn’t directly responsible for the mentee.

Influencing is … the ability to effect the character, development or behaviour of an individual.

Now I believe that the key skills that links all of these together are LISTENING and EMPATHY.

To influence, coach and mentor you need to understand the other persons, likes, dislikes, aspirations, hopes, fears and learning style. Then package your advice and instruction accordingly.

You have to ask questions and then really listen and engage, then respond in an authentic way. It’s pointless saying “I’ve been there” when you haven’t. The idea is to use questions to help the other person come up with the solution, rather than just telling them. It takes time to build your skill at having this type of conversation without getting frustrated.

Good questions to ask include:

• What could the best outcome be?
• What part of what you just said could be an assumption?
• If I were in your shoes and asked you that question, what would you say?
• What are the positive outcomes of this negative situation?
• What would you try now if you knew you could not fail?
• When will you start?
• What are you waiting for?
• And?

This week, when your team comes to you with issues, try asking questions instead of just giving the answer (where appropriate) and see what happens. Let us know in the comment’s below. You can find our Vlog on Coaching here.

To find out more about the services we offer and book a discovery call, click here.

Happy coaching and mentoring!