Being the referee has perks

I’m a live and let live type of person. I like to think we are all mature enough to behave correctly. The only people I correct about behaviour are my children and those of close friends and family.

I know I’m HR, but I don’t want to police anyone, y’know? I set professional expectations and expect them to be followed.

So, when I realised that Zoe and Stuart stopped going to lunch together and didn’t actually speak with each other, I thought it would just blow over. They were friends way before I joined the organisation.

Then I received grievances from each of them about the other – on the SAME day! So I had no choice but to intervene. It seemed their friendship started suffering when, Zoe was promoted and became Stuart’s supervisor. 

Does this sound familiar to you?

I figured the best thing to do was get them in a room for a mediation session. I explained the rules around listening and respect, and opened the floor. It turned out that Stuart thought being managed by a mate meant that Zoe would cover for him the way she had when they were colleagues, while Zoe thought that Stuart should require less support than the other team members to hit targets, as she believed he was just as competent as her.

As I sat around the table with them clarifying the meaning behind the “always” and “nevers”, and finding the middle ground of their assumptions and expectations of one another, I felt like a Premier League referee.

Once we agreed and established professional boundaries, they were able to rebuild their friendship and work well together. So well that when Stuart got promoted to supervisor, he had Zoe to thank for raising his “A” game. And I got an honourable mention too.

See, refereeing has its perks!

If you’ve been noticing a change in the vibe amongst your team – here are some tips for an effective mediation session:

Leave your assumptions at the door – It’s easy to jump to conclusions when you’ve heard two versions of a story, don’t let your experience with either party lead to you to drawing conclusions.

Remain unbiased – you are an objective facilitator, you cannot take sides or show any bias. Treat both individuals equally.

Set the stage – Establish the rules for the how the session will go.

Don’t be afraid to pause – if it feels like the conversation is getting too heated or the rules are not being adhered to, you can adjourn for a break or reschedule for another day.

Make sure everyone has their say – It’s is important that both parties get to clear the air and get all of their frustrations out on the table.

Listen to understand – You do not need to solve the issue, you are supposed to facilitate a conversation NOT dictate the outcome.

Clarify points to make sure both parties are hearing the same thing – Often people jump to conclusions and hear what they are expecting to hear, rather than listening, it is your job to ensure that both parties, hear and understand each other’s issues.

Agree a set of boundaries to prevent issues reoccurring – The ideal outcome is to eliminate the behaviour that caused the issue between both parties, by implementing clear professional boundaries and expectations.

Review regularly – One mediation meeting may not be enough. You need to ensure that the issues do not reoccur, keep a check with both parties, to ensure the boundaries are being adhered to.

If you need a referee to help you with some mediation, contact us and we will schedule a call to discuss how we can help.

How learning to crochet prepared me for management

I have never been a very creative person, I can follow instructions but making something out of nothing has never been my forte. I’m more the active type.

I hate to sit around, I am pretty much constantly on the move and even when I’m sitting my mind is racing. It’s why I love having my own business, there is always something to do, especially in HR!

So, when I got frustrated with not being able to be so physical when I was pregnant. My mum thought it would be a good idea to teach me how to crochet!

I had to really focus on the task in hand, I couldn’t watch TV and get the stiches right the way my mum could. However, I found that having some STILL time meant that I progressed pretty quickly and soon made some scarfs and a blanket.

I loved the progress that I made. Don’t you love seeing the fruits of your labour?

I started to use those focussing skills at work and during family time. It meant that I stopped ending people’s sentences, assuming what they wanted and seeing them as a distraction. 

Have you been there? Say it’s not just me!

I learnt that when someone says “Do you have a minute”, the most productive thing to do is to close everything and really focus on the individual, not just on their words but on the non-verbal cues too. This meant that I got to know my team better and was better able to motivate and lead them.

I know as business owners, we are great at listening to our clients. But when was the last time you sat down with your team and focused on what they were telling you, not what you wanted to tell them or mentally preparing for your next meeting?

Next time you are interrupted by Sue, try:

• Not making assumptions
• Closing your laptop
• Switching your phone to airplane
• Making eye contact
• Listening
• Taking notes (if necessary)
• Asking pertinent questions
• Taking time to response/investigate
• Following up

It’s vital that staff feel that they are listened to and that their opinions or issues are taken into consideration – even if you disagree, go back to them with a considered response.

When the team dynamic is tragic!

This week’s case study looks at resolving conflict using mediation.

I always say that the interesting thing about HR is working with people, it’s the interaction with individuals, learning about them and building relationships, then using that knowledge to influence, motivate, develop and exit them where necessary.

One of our clients contacted us, as they had a manager whose relationship with one of their team members had broken down to the point where they could not sit in the same room together. They asked us to come in and mediate with the pair as an outcome of a grievance, and see if their working relationship could be repaired, as they didn’t want to lose either person as they both had unique and hard to source skills.

We arranged a time to meet, laid down the ground rules for the discussion and began. It was soon established that some of their issues was due to cultural differences. The manager came from a country where disagreeing with your manager was not deemed as acceptable behaviour,  you were expected follow commands without questioning. The other individual came from a country where speaking your mind was expected and respected – Can you guess the countries?

The manager kept speaking over their staff member during the mediation process, every time they expressed their feelings, to the point that we had to adjourn the meeting to calm the staff member and reiterate the ground rules to the manager. After an hour and a half of clearing the air, we established the foundation for their working relationship going forward. We followed up with each individual at 1, 4 and 8 weeks post the mediation session and the relationship was much improved. They would never be friends, but had found some common ground and a language to communicate in.

Here are some tips for mediation:

• Both parties must be open to the process.
• Set ground rules.
• Remember you are there to facilitate only.
• Do not take sides.
• Compromise is the key.
• Listen actively – without interruption.
• You can adjourn if the meeting is getting heated.
• It may take more than one meeting to find a resolution.
• Not every situation can be solved by mediation.

Watch our managing directors Facebook live on the mediation here.

While mediation is not a guaranteed solution for conflict and can be time consuming. It gives you an insight into individuals and may help highlight some action that needs to be taken within your organisation to build better working relationships both internally and externally with clients. For details on how we can support you, click here.